We love to celebrate special performances, be they good or bad, and the Portland Trail Blazers have given us quite a special one today. The bottom-dwelling Blazers have now lost nine games in a row and managed to lose by 60 points against the Miami Heat in a 142-82 embarrassment. It was also the Heat’s biggest win ever.

Things had already started badly for the Blazers after they finished the first quarter down 29-19, but the Heat then decided to end teh game early by having a 45-21 second quarter that put away the game for good by halftime. It’s rare to see a game where the entire second half was garbage time, but this was the case in Portland’s latest stinker.

It was great entertainment for the Miami Crowd, who had soccer superstar Neymar courtside. He certainly had a fun time as he got to go home with Jimmy Butler’s game-worn shoes.

It was a hilariously awful performance that was capped off by the fact that the Blazers still managed to get the ball stolen with the shot clock turned off for good.

The craziest thing about the loss, though, is that it isn’t even Portland’s worst loss this season. That ignominious honor actually goes to a game they played on January 12, 2024 against the Oklahoma City Thunder. They lost by 62 points in that ass-whooping, which had a similar story. 

In that game, the Blazers started off down 36-24 in the first quarter then found themselves down 75-39 at halftime against the Thunder. I can’t remember the last time I saw a team put on two generationally terrible performances in a single season.

The general awfulness didn’t just apply to the Blazers as a whole. It also applied to Scoot Henderson, who was supposed to be the future star to replace the departed Damian Lillard. Against the Thunder in January, Scoot Henderson posted the second-worst plus-minus in NBA history at -56 points, behind only Manny Harris, who had -57 for the Cleveland Cavaliers in 2011.

Well, after today’s game, here’s how the top three looks.

1. Henderson: -58
2. Harris: -57
3. Henderson: -56

That’s right. Henderson managed to outdo himself and leapfrogged himself to take the crown for the worst plus/minus in NBA history. 

That’s got to feel rough for a young rookie who already has a lot to prove after being picked third in the 2023 NBA draft. The Blazers were expected to be bad this season, but good lord they’ve been abysmal. I hope that their talent starts to develop better soon, because fan bases don’t deserve this kind of pain.